Bob was angry. “I know,” Bob said. “I will go eat a donut. Maybe then I will be happy.” He walked down the street to Danny’s Doughnut Store. He went inside and looked at the menu. “So many choices,” he said to himself. Glazed, Chocolate, Maple, Strawberry Frosting, Old-Fashioned. He gazed down the menu until something caught his eye. “I will get a jelly doughnut,” he told Danny. Danny picked up the doughnut. “For here or to go?” he asked Bob. “For here,” Bob replied, wanting no delay in his happiness. “That’ll be $2.75,” Danny said, as he put the doughnut in a white paper bag. Bob handed him a five dollar bill. “Keep the change,” Bob said. “Thanks, Bob,” Danny said gratefully, as he handed Bob the doughnut. Bob went to the nearest booth and sat down. He took the jelly doughnut out of the white paper bag. The bag made a soft rustle as he put it aside. He closed his eyes and bit into the doughnut. The doughnut tasted warm and sweet. The sweet strawberry jelly filled his mouth. It was delicious. “Now,” Bob said, smiling, “I am truly happy.” He continued to eat the doughnut until there was no more. As he ate the last bite, some of the jelly fell onto his shirt and stained it. “That’s okay,” he said, “for today, I am truly happy. I will clean it off at home.” He thanked Danny and was about to leave the store, when Danny called out: “Wait!” Bob turned around. “It’s your lucky day!” Danny exclaimed, “Since you are my 100th customer today, you have won a brand new A400 Semiautomatic Shotgun!” “Really?” Bob said. Danny replied, “Of course!” He handed Bob the gun and Bob, thanking him, left Danny’s Doughnut Shop with the gun. “Today I am happy and lucky!” He began walking down the street back home. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” Bob said to a man driving his 1982 Ford F-150. The man looked at Bob and, without replying, sped away. “Strange man,” Bob said. But that didn't bother him, since he was truly happy. A family was approaching from the other side. He tried again. “Hey folks! How are you?” The mom covered the child’s eyes as they turned around and walked the other way. “Now, that was rude!” he called after them. But he wasn’t deterred, since today, he was truly happy. He continued walking. “Nothing can ruin my day today,” he said aloud, for everyone to hear. “Nothing.” As he was walking, he came across a dead body lying in the middle of the sidewalk. “Oh my!” Bob exclaimed, as he went closer to look. As soon as he got to the body, however, he heard a voice behind him say, “Don’t move!” “Who, me?” Bob said, turning around. He saw three armed policemen standing with their guns trained at him. “You must be mistaken. I have committed no crime. I just went out to buy a doughnut.” “Well the gun and the blood stains on your clothes tell a different story,” the police officer in the middle said. “You’re coming with us.” Bob was arrested and taken to court, where he was found guilty on the charges of murder and illegal possession of a firearm, and was sentenced to jail for life.
Part 2
Bob was angry. And he was in jail at a remote prison in Paraguay for murder. “I know,” Bob said. “I will break out of jail. Maybe then I will be happy.” Then he heard a voice behind him. “Who the heck are you?” the voice said. “Who, me?” Bob asked. “Yes, you,” the voice replied. “The one with the bloodstains on his shirt.*” “Oh yeah. Those,” Bob said. “Never mind them.” “So,” the man asked, “who are you, and what are you doing in my cage?” “The more important question is ‘who are you?’” said Bob, dodging the question. “I am...” the man came out of the shadows, “Alvaro Rodriguez”. “Alvaro who?” “Oh forget it. Alexis, This one looks like a squealer.” A third man stepped out. It seemed like he was Alexis. He said to Alvaro, “Ok then, boss. We won’t tell him the P-L-A-N.” “I don’t need you guys to bust out of this place,” Bob said, sensing that they were hiding something from him, “I can do it myself.” That evening, when they were out on their rounds, Bob noticed that Alvaro was missing. “Strange,” Bob said to himself. “I wonder where he went. But that doesn’t matter, for today I am escaping so I will be happy.” He walked to the guard next to the fence. The guard gave him a look. Bob waited, looked around, and suddenly pointed to the sky and cried out, “Look over there!” The guard was not fooled. Rather, he was amused. “How stupid do you think I am?” The guard said, falling on the floor in laughter. As he was rolling around, laughing, Bob hopped the fence. “I’m free!” Bob cried out. “Finally! I knew this time would come. Now, I am truly happy.” He was free. But, unfortunately for Bob, the other 75 inmates at the prison, led by Alvaro Rodriguez and Alexis, had, coincidentally, planned a breakout for that very day. The 75 inmates ran out of the front gates of the prison in the largest mass prison breakout to ever occur. Therefore, Bob’s happiness was short-lived, as he was subsequently run over and crushed by the stampede of escaping convicts. “Look out, Bob,” said Alvaro, after the fact. Moral: Never break out of a Paraguayan prison on the day of a mass breakout.
Part 3
Bob was angry. It was the night of Thanksgiving but he was angry and alone, disowned by his family. “I know,” Bob said, “I will go to the mall. Maybe then I will be happy.” He hopped into his 1974 Chevy and drove down the street to the local mall. He pulled into the parking lot and looked around. He couldn’t find a parking spot. He decided to park across the street, in the parking lot of Danny’s Donut Shop. He then waited for the walk signal and then walked across the busy road to the mall. As he was nearing the end of the crosswalk, another car started moving and almost hit him. “Is this what the world has come to?!” Bob cried out. But he was not bothered. Because he was going to the mall to be happy. He entered the mall and looked around. So many things. So many choices. He stood, transfixed, as he took in his surroundings. “This is a wonderful place,” he said. “Today, I am truly happy. Happiness is in the little things.” He heard shouts and screams from behind him. “Everyone must love my philosophy,” he concluded as he turned around. He saw a stampede of people rushing to meet him. “That’s a lot of fans,” he said to himself as he watched the mob close in on him. Then it hit him. The truth, not the mob. He looked at the banner hanging under the store next to him. “Early? Black Friday: 90% Off” it read, and Bob stood paralyzed, slowly grasping the situation. But it was too late. Bob was run over by the stampede of Black Friday shoppers and crushed under their feet. “Look out, Bob,” said the guy at the store, after the fact, while Bob lay at his feet. Moral: Never go shopping on Thanksgiving Night.
too lazy to add the other 5 parts
All credit goes to Abhijay Rana, The Author.